New Year Post

It's not too late for a new year post, right? I've been writing this post on my mind since the new year eve but I just got the urge to type it now.

Hello Darlaa. 2017 was a great year for me. It was like every day was brand new day. My first year with my titanium. My first year in new work environment, and many many other first time. I was so grateful for every decision I took and for every experience I had. I met a lot a lot a lot, really a lot of new people and they are really amazing. I thought I really learned a lot from them. Also, I am still surrounded by the people I love the most. I was able to spend another year with them and it was priceless. In 2017 too, I had another grief again. Our dearest uncle passed away on Christmas eve. It's a sudden and it was a big loss.

It was Christmas eve. You know, Darla? Late night call was never a good news. We got a call from my cousin that uncle was in ICU. We immediately head to the hospital. Uncle was not in good state. Seeing how uncle was powerless on the hospital bed, was really heartbreaking. We stayed at hospital for hours. Mom could not hold her tears. She kept whispering his name on his ears. At 10.45 p.m, doctor stated that uncle had gone. It was hard to accept it. Uncle was a Dad figure for me. He was really strict but always cared about us. He was not good in words. He chatted me once in a while telling how he felt and asked me how's my day. Before and after my spine surgery, he gave us a lot of support although he also had to undergo heart surgery. I still could not believe he had gone. I wish I could send message to him more often. I wish I visited him more often. It's always like that. We just know how much precious someone is after we lose them. It was exhausting to go Medan-Binjai everyday in a week yet we did not want to miss the chance to pay the last respect to him. We would not be able to see him again. Mom lost her brother.  No matter how she tried to smile while greeting all the old friends, she did cry a lot. I could not imagine how much grief Mom has had. Next year will be different without you, uncle. You will always stay in our heart.

Ah, not to mention. This year, I did not celebrate NYE by a feast or any party. This year was somehow different. I had a chance to take part in conducting a pre-teen class. It was very hectic to manage my time between work, family and this participation. The class was held on the NYE. We set some fun activities for the pre-teens and prepared some materials. During the preparation, I had a flashback to my pre-teen age. It was time when I was really immature. Reminded by some fool things I did, I felt like I wanted to crash my head to the wall. Fortunately, I managed to grow well. Thanks to my family and my friends who showered me with love. Also, thanks to God who never stops guiding my steps. Back to the topic, my friends and I was given chance to be host for some activities. I was really nervous. OMG, really nervous to the point you might not believe me. It's not like it was my first time to speak in public but I don't know why I always have that anxiety for public speaking. My heart would beat uncontrollably. That's why I really adore people who speak very well in public. Some of my friends said that they were nervous, too but they end up speaking very well. I rolled my eyes and asked myself why they were so amazing. We all learned a lot of lesson from this class. During the evaluation meeting, I realized how we really put our heart and effort into this. Thank you very much for the chance.

Here we are, in 2018. I do not know what is waiting ahead. Even just thinking about the future makes me nervous and excited at the same time. Life is too much of surprises. It is also another a new fresh start. During the holiday, I had the thought to do the things I've been longing to do. It was a dream I almost forgot. You know, Darla. I grew up in family which even survived every day was a struggle but through the ups and downs, I could understand the happiness beyond the materialistic things. The happiness we had, even without any luxuries, is really meaningful and deep. As I grow up, I focused on changing my life, education, working day and night, forgot the dream I've ever had once. I know my ability is still too far from "good" but it could not be a reason for me to stop. The chances of learning are always available. All I need to do is start. Oh my, my heart beats fast every time I think of this. 

Dear 2018, I'm ready.