CNY 2014 : The Horse

Hi Darlaaa !

Happy Chinese New Year !!! 

This year is horse year, I don't know exactly what kind of horse this is. LOL. I welcomed this new year so gratefully instead of happily. The difference between this CNY and last CNY is, there is no Dad, and my country, Indonesia is deeply sad because of natural disasters. The Sinabung eruption, flooding in Jakarta and Manado. Last year, CNY was a celebration for me. This year, CNY is a family gathering. I have learned that family needs to gather, even with or without purpose. CNY is a time when I think my family can gather happily and share what we missed for a long time. I wanna celebrate it gratefully.

When we still have time to talk to each other,

When we still can smile to each other,

When all the family members sit together for dinner,

When we can take photo together with a smile,

Why we aren't grateful for that time?

I remember when Daddy passed away, before his cremation, we all (his wives, daughters, and sons) take picture together as the photographer asked us to do that. The face of sadness, lost, and regret. Why? Why should we wait until the last meeting to take pict together? Why should we wait until that sad moment? If Dad were still alive, and everyone could control self(s), would we take pict together with a smile? Would everyone let him go without regret?

I don't want it to happen again. It's enough to hate each other. It's enough to blame each other. 

Family is family. I accept the fact that not everyone can tolerance my flaws. We don't need to throw something broke, but we need to fix it. I'm trying to fix my family, starting from myself.  :)

Happy CNY everyone ! Gong Xi Fa Cai ! or usually we say, KIONG HI !

WHAT SHOULD I DO?

When I have broken someone’s trust

When I can’t do nothing to fix it

When I was trapped between my mom’s or my friend’s urgency

Dear Darlaa,

I never did it purposely. I feel so sorry about this. Deeply sad because trapped in this situation. What should I do? Everything got misunderstood. I lost one of my friends. I just can’t this happen to my friends else. Argh. Somehow I wish to disappear right now right here. Any explanations will not do. Sorry dear. If only you know, I never never never mean to hurt you at all. I’m sad we end up blaming like this. I’m so sad we end up talking uncomfortly like this. Deep inside my heart, I feel so guilty making you in a hard situation, a hard position. If I can give you a knife to kill me right now, I would do. 

No words can describe well how I’m feeling right now. I’m not begging you to understand my position. I just hope everything back to normal. Since I try my best to not give any explanation, for you, it will be an excuse only, and everything will go worse. I can’t losing more than this. Losing one friend, and a trust, are too much for me. 

I'm not that strong. Bathroom is the best escape for me. With the tap turned on, noone will know what happen inside.  

Saturday and Rain

Dear Darlaa,

Today is Saturday and I'm having my class for more than 2 hours. I'm dealing with back pain right now. I can't stand sitting for a long time. I am so bored with class. But thanks for the weather. It really boosters my mood. ;) I have plan to go to library today, but I forgot to take my student ID, and it is raining (excuse).

Luckily I bring my umbrella today. Love yaaaaaa.