Trust me or not, I always have mood to write or blog at mid-night. My brain is trully active at this hour. In my last holiday, I have tried my best to live in healthier way. But when I have started my new semester, everything backs to nature. LOL. I call it nature, because I am used to stay awake until mid-night since I was a kid. I remembered when I was a kid, I did my homework slowly with Sis, Dad always went home at late night, Mom did her sewing also until midnight. We had a great time playing and talking random things. Sometimes Dad could take me going outside by his motorbike, bought fried rice or anything else. Sometimes we watched film together until morning, then when I woke up, I was on my bed already. And sometimes, we argued and hated each other....
Talking about Dad, won't make me cry at all. Sometimes I mention my Dad because deeply I miss him so bad. But reading my last post about Dad's funeral, remind me of all the sadness of those days. Then I realize that, life goes on. I never forget about Dad. I just accept the fact that Dad had gone, even Dad was still alive, he will never ever want her daughter to be sad. I always tell myself and repeat it,
"It's okay to feel down and cry. But never forget to lift your head to the sky, and smile brightly. Life goes on, with or without you."
Okay, now finish about Dad. Err. I think no, maybe still have to mention Dad. Sorry Dad. But I think you will be happy for me that always remember of you. My Dad liked to be popular.
Randomly, I think about marriage. I passed, and saw so many love relationship broken for the same reasons. As you know, My Mom and Dad also divorced. I don't have any real life modelling that show me true & longlasting love is exist. One question pops out in my mind. Does a man that we called "true love" really exist?
Back to nature, deep inside, I truly believe Cinderella's story. Then reality slaps me, this is real life, not tales. My heart is prepared and trained to face heart-breaking, to be strong woman. My heart will be frozen. LOL. At the other side, I think why don't I prepare my heart to love everyone? Warm to everyone, but it means that we take higher risk to get hurt. Once again, intern-conflict and self-talk. LOL
Today I met Lena. Talk about future and friendship. Someone said that she/he never wants to share his/her private life to anyone, include her/his lover. Why? Because sharing can relieve your feeling for a while, but your whole life, you will be anxious whether your friend tells your story to others or not. I think, that's right. Some people can't keep secret. But what's the meaning of keeping your secret for a whole life? If there's something of your private life that maybe inspire someone or a life lesson, why not? Trust and betray are kinda part of life. Betrayal, lies, hurt, don't make me hurt anymore like the first time. I'm lucky to have some VVIP in my life that I can trust. :)
And the last thing I want to share is, about carreer. I'm planning for my future. I think Medan is not secure to live anymore. I have plan to move to another country. It means, I need really big budget. I'm still twenty. I have so much chance to work harder and harder. I start to confuse what profession that I will take. I am studying Psychology, but do I really want to be a Psychologist ? I like to doing online shop and marketing, but is it really my passion? I love to writing novel, but I haven't written any finished-story for last 2 years. Am I really good at writing fiction?
Somehow, I'm type of person that value social things so much better than money. Yes, we can't live without money. Yes, it's more comfortable to cry in BMW than on bicycle. But how if the choice is crying alone or having some friends to share. I always put "Social" in my first priority. I've ever thought about being a social worker. I will live happily with help people. Then what can I use to buy food for me and my mom??? *toeng* right? Good income, favorite job.. How can I get both? Some experts say, follow your passion, then wealthy will follow you. What is truly my passion? Still a homework for me.
That's all I can share. Friends, family, love, and carreer. Fighting everyone !
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