A Personal Space

Reaching this age, I hold no more obsession of "knowing everything" in my circles. 
We can be close friends without you telling me 100% of your lives. 
You have the right to tell me what you are ready to tell.
You have the right to keep what you want to keep for yourselves.
I might be curious at some times but I appreciate what is called "a personal space".

Some people love companions throughout the journey, and so do I.
However, the introvert, like me, requires a personal space at times.
Too many companionships exhaust me.
Some might misunderstand me as being hostile, or not appreciating their concerns.

To tell you the truth, I appreciate all the love, yet my mental also needs a break and a space where I can be with myself only.
I need to be in my shell to recharge my energy.
Then after some time, I will be able to go out and face the world again.

I guess everyone can have different personality and perspectives.
I also cannot force anyone to have the same perspective.
I just want to treat my circles in this way.
Appreciating just how open they are.
I might not know the latest news of you, but I am ready to listen whenever you are ready.

Credits to Essencia Air on Pinterest

What Does 'Rainy Days' Mean to You?

Back then when I was younger, I did not understand when my friend said that they liked the smell of the rain. I did not understand the ‘dance in the rain’ quotes. As I remembered most bad things mostly happened on rainy days, I wondered why.

I was in a rush, then rain came to slow me down. Things ran out of plan, on a rainy day. I ran out of money, then heavy rain came. Not to mention the soaked in rain, splashed by the high-speed car. Yea, I associated heavy rain with bad things. That’s why I had bad feelings when it suddenly rains, especially if it rains heavily. I worried that something bad would happen.

This year, I notice something. There is a change in me. Heavy rain no longer scares me. Rain now gives me a brand new perspective. It feels cold physically, yet warm inside my heart. I don’t have any idea when this change starts. However, I love it. I love to notice a good change in me. The old me might signify the bad memories more than the good memories. The adult me now cherishes more good memories with rain instead of signifying the bad ones. I can’t avoid any bad fate, but my heart now chooses to capture the good memories with the rain. The happiness blueprint is now stronger and it replaces my previous association.

I still can’t get the smell of the rain. I like to play in water but not in rain. I simply love this feeling of rain. Rain brings a lot of warmth to my heart. 

How about you? 

What does 'rainy days' mean to you?

Credits to Kiyary on Pinterest

Upside Down

It started on 8th April 2021. One of my closest ones got sick. My world was upside down. My heart broke to pieces. Watching the person I love so much turned from a strong figure to a powerless patient. I tried so hard to look strong in front of everyone. Reassuring myself and everyone around that everything will be better. Figuring out every possible solution for my dearest. There were times I broke down at the toilet by myself to the point my hands shook uncontrollably. Wiping out my eyes before I went out from the toilet door. It was not easy. I wish I could be simply vulnerable without holding on.

I decided to be open to my circles and I could not hold the tears for accepting so much kindness and love. Restless nights and mental break down were paid off. My dearest recovers by the time goes. Recovery is still progressing but days are now brighter. I can't be more grateful than this. Everything is enough. My loved ones are healthy. I will not ask for anything else. I have everything with me and I am ready to continue embracing this life.