End of 2013 and Beginning of 2014

Everyone updates their status about today. The last day in this year. What’s up with that? One year has passed, and what I’ve been done? Have I done something useful in this year? Hmm, I think I have. In this year, I’ve been opened about my scoliosis, aware more about scoliosis and everybody beside me. That’s I think.

I’ve been through so many life exams. Some I haven’t passed yet. Hey, I’m trying ;)

For this year, the number of my friends is increased, but the number of my enemies is also increased (but not so many).  Forgiving is still a lesson that I’m learning. The first thing is to forgive myself, looks easy maybe, but not everyone can forgive theirself. Some of us end up with blame others or self. I think we deserve a better life, a nice life without any anger or hatred. So why should we waste time for those bad things? :)

As the year passes, I want to leave all those bad things behind. Not to be forgotten, but to be a lesson. Just in case, I need to review my lesson, I have those old pages to open. You know? Like letting a balloon flow away. I love to do it (at Bukit Kubu, Berastagi). Just let it go, it can make us feel better. 

Well, I just found the fact that the world is so small. Mutual friends everywhere without I realized. I always feel good when I can find something mutual between me and my friends. It gives us reason to laugh and share more.

Exploding

Dear Darlaa,

Now I know exactly how people go from stress to stroke. Today I am so stressed, extremely stressed. My brain thinks so hard how to solve these problems. I can feel my head like shaking. OMG. Then I realized maybe I just overthink. But I really can't think any solving. My head is going to explode. I have to stay healthy till the end, because if I get sick, the situation will get worse.

Yesterday, I promised myself to pass a day without complaining anything. I want to have a nice day. But it just makes my head hold everything. Urgghhhhh~ I hate this situation. Life is trying me. Break down? It's absolutely not my alternative. I have to find out the solutions. I should.

It's just a matter of time. Everything gonna be alright after I make it clear.

Merry Christmas :)

Anger and Forgiveness

Darlaa, seems like I have difficulty in control my anger. I mean, emotionally. I will not do something rude physically or verbally when I'm angry. But I have big battle in myself, and I can curse anyone in my mind, the real and deep curse. 

So, I think I have to stop this. I'm too sensitive about anyone I love. If someone hurts the one I love, especially my Mom, in my heart, I had sweared that I will make sure they will feel hurt like my Mom felt, like I felt, even worse, or the worst. I can't control this. Sooner or later, this will be a grudge. I don't wanna myself to be fulled with hatred. I want to live happily and gratefully.

Then I remember Buddha's saying.

Yeah, I feel the same, I get burned slowly. I have to change. I try my best. Take a deep breath and try to forgive, but then my mind flashbacks to their bad. Please forgive me for cursing anyone. I hope I can forgive them sincerely.

A Girl with Scoliosis (Part 8)

Dear bloggers,

Ini hasil rontgen saya pada Maret 2013 yang lalu. Dengan sudut kemiringan 115, jenis severe scoliosis.

Somehow saya berharap sudut kemiringan itu tidak bertambah, tapi saya menyadari bahwa itu tidak mungkin, saya dapat merasakannya, saya semakin sulit bernafas dan mudah merasakan nyeri. Life goes on ! Bertahanlah sebentar lagi tulang belulang ku ! Yeaha~

Itu foto ku tampak dari depan dan belakang. Yah, seperti itulah bentuk punggung seorang scolioser 115 derajat. Next time, kalau kalian punya teman atau kenal dengan seseorang yang punya punggung seperti ini, maybe dia juga punya skoliosis. :)