Bye Daddy. We love you.

Hey Darlaa.

Another part of this life was surprising me. The one that I think was so strong, suddenly go forever.

April 17, 2013. 11.50 a.m.

Daddy passed away at hospital.

1 p.m. after I finished my Organizational Behavior exam, I got call from Mom. She told me to go home soon. I felt something weird at that time. I kept asking what happen. Mom told me that Daddy has gone. I was shocked. Then say "Oh, it's okay. I go home now." I try my best to not cry. But the tears just came out by itself.

It's so hard. On my way heading home, I met some friends. They kept asking me about exam. I try to keep smiling and answer them. It's the hard part, Darlaa. With my tears still came out, my hands is shaking because I hold the tears that much.

I arrived home. Mom & Sis were crying aloud. Everyone is crying. Still with the tears, I hug Mom and then say "It's okay. I'm okay". Everyone change clothes and prepare to go to Angsapura. When they leave me alone, I hug my pillow and cry aloud. I do love Daddy. The day before, when I came to hospital to see him. I believe he will be strong. But this is the fact. Maybe Daddy had been tired for trying. It's okay. I understand.

All friends, teachers, colleagues, and family send messages about to be strong and keep praying. Some of them come to give support. I really appreciate that. It does really mean to me.

The three nights really try us. All the memories with Daddy. Mom and sis cry that much. I try my best to support them and told to keep strong.

The cremation was held on Saturday, April 20, 2013. It's the hardest part. I don't want to cry in front of Dad. But that day, I can't hold anymore. That I will never ever can see Dad anymore. The one with the best "Hulk" body. The one with so many silly stories. The one who always protect me with his own way. The only Dad I have.

From this moment, some part of my life changed.

Before, I'm the second child of two siblings. Suddenly, I'm the youngest child from 8 siblings.

Suddenly, they change a fact. I know it but I can't explain because it will be trouble if I say it. I don't want any trouble happen anymore.

Suddenly, I have a cousin that before I thought he is just one of my friend. And the worst part is, he only know about the false fact. I'm too tired to explain anything.

Dear Dad,

It's hard to believe that you have gone forever. But I believe, Dad will never want to see her girl keep crying for him. Life must go on.  Lift head to the sky.

We love you Dad. Really love you.

P.S. Thanks to Mariah Carey for her song "Bye-bye". It really help me a lot for this time.