Scoliosis Surgery Journey (Part 2)

We came back to Medan and told my sponsor about this. If you read my previous posts, I told you that I met a very kind family who wanted to help my surgery fund. However, the cost was much greater than expected. It was not enough for one party to cover it. I was waiting until August. I kept doing my yoga and the exercises Prof. Kwan asked to do. It was August and I still did not progress anything in raising my fund. I was worried whether I would not get a chance to have surgery. Coincidentally, I had a small chat with one of my schoolmates. I forgot what we started talking about. I just end up sharing about my worry regarding this surgery fund. It was big battle in my mind. My negative thought said that maybe I didn’t deserve to get surgery. There are a lot of people struggled more than me and they might need treatment more than me. The other part of me tried to calm and told myself to keep believing. I am worthy and I would get the chance at the right time. I kept doing all exercises to strenghten my back. I got everything ready as I would have surgery although I still didn’t have enough money. I didn’t care what was going to happen. I just wanted to keep moving, keep trying, and keep believing. I wanted to do my part. What I can’t control, I believe that God will set the best for me.

Those are the exercises I did before my surgery. I did it as many times as possible.

The next day, another of my schoolmate sent me a messages that her father wanted to help me raising funds. My scoliosis story was broadcasted through social media. In short time, my case became the talk of the city. Everyone was wondered what scoliosis is, what the cause is, and so on. I got a lot of calls the whole day asking me the same questions. Some of the kind people visited my house to check my condition. Some people said a bit hurtful things and I had to learn to understand others’ point of view. To be honest, I was exhausted physically and mentally. I kept telling myself I would go through this and everything would be alright. Thanks to my Mom. She was as exhausted as I was but she never complained and still worried about me.

At that time, I also met some fellow scoliosers and the parents. They said that they thought it was ok to ignore the scoliosis until they saw my severe case. They just knew it could worsen like that and asked me the treatment choice available. Some even did not realize that they had scoliosis until they read my case and checked their own body. I willingly told them the details of my story and suggested them to take action as soon as possible for their scoliosis. There are also parents of fellow scoliosers whom children had gone under surgery. They gave support to me and my mom.

Everyone took part to help me. I really mean it, everyone. From my childhood friends, my schoolmates, my uni friends, my lecturers, my students’ parents, my relatives and so many many many else that I couldn’t mention. I was very touched. I shed tears silently as I never thought that they care about me this much. Everyone supported me, telling me that I would make it. Some friends told me that they would mentioned my name in their pray. I could not describe well how heartwarming it was. I was undescribable grateful for everything happened in my life. It was the mid of August. I sent messages to ci Susan and ci Shierly (Prof. Kwan’s PA) that I still could not set the surgery date  since I hadn’t had enough for the surgery fund.

In a week, I didn’t believe that the fund is completely collected. “I REALLY CAN HAVE SURGERY!!!! IT WAS NOT A DREAM” I shouted happily in my mind. My gratitude was really really undescribable. Everyone has worked so hard to accomplish it. I told ci Shierly that miracle happened and I could set the date for my surgery. After some discussion, my surgery date was set on 24th August. It was just a week away. I had to take care of my students and hand it to sub teacher. My mom who accompanied me also had to finish all her work. She is a tailor. We also had our closet raised to sitting one as I would not be able to squad for weeks after surgery. My bed was also raised as I used to sleep with the bed just on the floor. Shower was installed as I would had difficulty bending my back lifting water. I went to bank to transfer the hospital deposit. Our country rules does not allow us to bring cash more than 100 million rupiah abroad. I had my hair cut short so my long hair would not touch my back scar. We did all of that in one week while mom and I were still working. Ci Susan helped me to book a room at Anjung Penyayang for my pre-admission hotel.

On 22nd August, my Mom and I flew to KL. We were nervous, excited and exhausted at the same time. “Everything will be alright, Fera”, I told myself. 

Plus, I also took Bye-bye Fever with me just in case I got fever. A friend told me that she got a fever after surgery. However, I didnt have fever post-op.

Yes I was very very sensitive to every bump after surgery.

Scoliosis Surgery Journey (Part 1)

Hello Darla ! I'm back as promised. Let's start with a new chapter since I think "The Girl with Scoliosis" doesn't suit me anymore. It's like"Err.. Fera, stop calling yourself a girl." Okay T^T

Well, I will begin to flashback to June 2016. I went to Kuala Lumpur with my mom to have my first consultation with Prof. Kwan Mun Keong at UMSC (University Malaya Specialist Centre). I remembered I've ever told you that I visited a spine specialist in my city (Medan), dr. Otman Siregar at Columbia Asia Hospital. Dr. Otman told me that my curve was very severe and I got to have surgery, but not with him. He suggested me to PPUM (Pusat Perubatan Universiti Malaya). I did some research about it. I also met a friend, named Susan. She is a Malaysian who has been through scoliosis surgery with Prof. Kwan at UMSC. From her, I know that PPUM provides service for Malaysian only, or they called it 'Rumah Sakit Kerajaan'. UMSC is the private wing of PPUM. Mostly, the doctors are same. I also did some research about Prof. Kwan and was introduced by ci Susan to some fellow scoliosers who have undergone the surgery with Prof. Kwan. One of them I got closer with is Joce. I found out that they are still doing well even after surgery like nothing happened. With a lot of consideration, I went to KL to see Prof. Kwan.

I brought my latest X-Ray with me (which was taken in 2013). When we entered the consultation room, Prof. Kwan asked me some questions like "Since when my scoliosis began to occur", "what health problems I have" and so on. Prof. Kwan looked very worried once he saw my X-Ray. He did some physical check, like checking the stiffness of my spine, asking me to bend. Prof. Kwan gave us a short briefing about scoliosis (type, cause, treatment, etc). He also gave us a handbook of scoliosis. One in English version for me and one Chinese version for Mom. He told me that I need to have surgery a.s.a.p, no more postponing because it can get worse and worse. My risk will be 10%. If I waited and waited again, the curve might increased and the risk would get higher. It would be the case which most doctors avoid to take. I might end up losing the chance to have surgery if it was too risky. Not having surgery means my curve would keep increasing and affect my organs. Prof. Kwan also asked me to do some exercises for at least 2 months before my surgery. The exercise was to strengthen my back and make my back less stiff. The less stiff my back, the greater correction and easier my surgery will be. I didn't do any X-Ray there since Prof. Kwan said it was unnecessary. I would have my X-Ray on the day before my surgery. In addition, prior to surgery, I had to pass several tests, such as RFT, Echo, MRI and CT Scan. If I didn't pass one of the test, I might not be able to have surgery since it's too risky. The tests was held a day before my surgery. I was told the detailed of my surgery and the cost. I was given a folder and a handbook which describes what-to-do before and after surgery.

We flew back to Medan with a lot of things in mind. Mom was still worried about the ideas of surgery although she said she has agreed about it. However, she thought deeply about what Prof. Kwan said. It's about my future with this curvy spine. She thought about the risk, the cost, my life after surgery, and so on. I'm sorry, Mom. I'm really sorry. Rather than me, you must have much more worries than me. I'm so sorry for making you to go through that hard time.


P.S. For anyone who is struggling with scoliosis, please do feel free to email me (fera_leole@hotmail.com). You can ask for detailed information or simply sharing. I really welcome both ^^ 

A Page Break

Phew! Hello Darla~

Reviewing my previous post makes me realized that it has been almost a year I didn't update this blog T.T You know, a lot of things happened. I couldn't update due to my laptop issue. I did try to update through my smartphone, but my fingers felt so sore to type long text and my eyes were too tired to see those small letters. Then my brain said, "Dear Fera, just wait until your laptop recovers." Okay then. I didn't know it took this long. I miss blogging so much much much much. Even I didn't post, my brain and my heart kept typing everything in my mind. I am blessed to have friends that I can read all those typings to. You know, Darla? These past months feels like a page break for my life. I mean it. Time flies as blinks of eyes and here I am, writing a new page. Oh my god, I am so excited to type everything! I wonder whether I miss the typing or blogging ^^'. 

Please be prepared for the next gonna-be-very-long entries (bowing 90 degrees).

Dummy

Today, I was tricked by a friend that there was a crazy guy downstairs. I was going to leave and I had to go downstairs. It made me afraid that I might run to the crazy guy. My three-year-old student hugged me and said that he wanted to accompany me. I laughed and realized what a coward I am. Haha. However, that's a cute side of him and I'm really proud of him. Although he often overacts while studying or may be selfish sometimes, he, who is still a little kid, have a sincere heart to accompany me. Sincerity never fails to touch me. I never regret to choose this path as my career. The more days passed, the more it feels like "yes I belong here".

Grown Up?

Hey, Darla. Being a grown up is not that easy. I now fully understand how it's like to be the eldest in family. It takes greater patience and wisdom. Some responsibilities really drained my energy physically and mentally. However, I went through it well. Thank you God for guiding me. Thank you Mom for supporting me.

The 'WHY'

Sorry Darla for all my random thoughts. This night owl cannot stop thinking during night. Please just bear a bit. I think this is not going to be long.

I remember of a simulation I joined last time. There was a big question given to us. The point is, only one of me or my mother or my sister can survive so we got to choose. As you know (my bad habit), I often think from any perspectives. It helps and confuses me at the same time. I bet my first answer would be to let my mother survive and so would my sister's answer. How could I survive while I had to sacrifice my beloved ones. My physical body might stay alive but not my mental. My beloved ones are the only reason I keep alive until today. My reason why I want to be success, why I want to heal my scoliosis, and my other 'why'(s) are all about my beloved. I might not be able to live if I lost every one of them. Moreover, my mother is like the core of my 'why'. It will be better for me to die rather than seeing my mother dying and losing her. That's my perspective.

Then how about my mother. My mother is a single parent. Even she never says her feelings bluntly, I don't know since when I realize that we (her daughters) are the reason why she wants to survive. She gave up on everything she wants just to take care of us. Mom was once a very fashionable girl and liked to travel anywhere. After living separately with Dad, she did lose hope and thought that she was not supposed to marry. She once tried to suicide. I was so small that time and didn't understand it deeply. What I know was just Mom kept crying silently. Although I have difficulty since I was young, when Mom asked me to go to bed, I would listen and pretend to sleep. After finished her work, she came into the room and kissed our foreheads. When I grow up, I realize that Mom was pulling herself together that time. She has lessen her make-up things and seldom sew new clothes for herself. All she sews are for her daughters. She stops hanging out with her friends to take care of us. She stops buying many shoes to buy us new shoes although she really liked to collect shoes. She always lies that she doesn't like to eat meat just to let us eat more. She always says that she is strong although she is not. She throws away all her happiness just to provide us a good life. To bear all of those alone, it must be very hard. Mom would lose her hope if she lost us.

After taking my mom's perspective, I realize that everyone is trapped by fear of losing. We cannot face the losing of the ones we love because it is really hard thing to do. To say "just let me die first before you die" is a selfish thing to say. If we cannot bear the losing, do you think the one we love will be able to bear it? You only care that you will not end up feeling the loss but the survived one is actually left with emptiness and regrets. Love of parents to their children is greater than what we can imagine.

I do not want to lose my mom and so does her. If I am her reason to stay alive, what I know is I have to live happily and healthily. That's how to make her happy. Do you get it? It's like my happiness grows thousand times when I see my mother smiles. So I have to be happy. Then my mother's happiness can be multiplied thousand times. Let's make each other happy and live happily now because you may be someone's "WHY".

A Girl with Scoliosis (Part 15)

Btw I managed to take this photo just in order to have a record of my curve progress. I think this kind of photo is useful to raise awareness of scoliosis. Many people said that photo like this is breathtaking. This is just a warning that scoliosis is something more than what you imagine. Three years ago, my curve was 115 degree. I keep telling my other scolioser friends that I don't want them to end up like mine. Early treatment is very necessary before the curve gets worse. Some people might see this as what kind of naked body photograph. I don't have authority to rule others' mind so I don't mind too much. You have no idea what I've been through.

A-ah, I found this video not long ago. It is so touching and inspiring. Watch until the end. It is not only about scoliosis. It is to give us a slap that nobody is perfect.