Another 'First Time'

Dear Darla,

At this moment, I'm very nervous and excited. I encountered a lot of 'first time' recently and am going to encounter another 'first time' again. I held back a lot when I hadn't had my surgery. Now, the fog has lifted. Everything is new. There are many chances to try and take. I am so much happy. Too happy to the nervous point. Should I take the chance? Can I do it? Will I nail it? I don't know where it will takes. Somehow, I want to give it a try. See the world I never see. Do things I've been longing to do. Even if I fail at the end, I don't wanna have a regret just wandering at the same point.

Scoliosis Surgery Journey (Part 4)

24th August 2016

My surgery took 3h 15 min. After surgery was done, I was taken to OT room (please note that it is not ICU). About 1h afterwards, I could hear Prof. Shanaz's voice calling my name, "Fera, Fera, are you okay?". I opened my eyes and saw Prof. Shanaz. I couldn't see very clearly since it was too bright. I laughed as I opened my eyes. "Oh, I'm still alive," I thought. I answered Prof. Shanaz with "Hm hm" and fell asleep again. I could hear Prof. Shanaz laughed and said "She still can laugh?" 

When I was half awake, I realized that I was in my room and it was about 6 p.m. I could hear Prof. Kwan and Mom were talking. Prof. Kwan gave Mom a briefing what to do that day and the day after. Mom was told to turn off the light and let me sleep because I need sleep to recover. I was not allowed to drink. If I wanted to drink, I was only allowed to drink only two teaspoons of water. I eavesdropped until that sentence and fell asleep again. In the half awake state, I heard a nurse put a button on my hand, telling me it was PCA button. Whenever I felt pain, I could press it. She also put an emergency button to call the nurse right beside my pillow. I just "hm hm" and slept again.

I woke up at 10 pm. The room was dark and very cold. I could smell the hospital's antiseptic. I called my mom and told her I was thirsty. My mouth and my throat were very dry. Mom said that I was not allowed to drink and just gave me two teaspoons of water. I was like "Can I have some water again?" with my innocent face. Mom didn't listen to my question and asked me if I felt any pain. I did feel very stiff on my back and I felt the implants were holding every inch of spine strongly. I nodded my head. Mom reminded me to press the PCA whenever I felt pain. Also, Mom reminded me to do the leg exercise. I nodded my head, moved my leg as Sister Tang taught me before, and slept again. I woke up the next 15 minutes again and asked for water again. It repeated for every 15 minutes. I'm so sorry, Mom. She sure had trouble in sleeping because of me. Finally at 2 am, I could sleep without troubling Mom. I tried my best to hold the thirst. I quietly pressed the PCA when I couldn't endure the pain.

25th August 2016

In the morning, the breakfast came. The nurses helped me to bath on bed and changed my hospital's gown. I was still not allowed to have breakfast so Mom was the one who finished the breakfast. ^^' Prof. Shanaz first came and checked me with his stethoscope. He asked what I felt. Oh, I recalled that I felt pain on my chest. Prof. Shanaz said it was normal. Other than that, no significant problems. Next, Prof. Kwan came. My catheter was pulled off. I did not feel any pain since I just pressed PCA before Prof. Kwan came. He asked me to get up. A nurse helped me to get up from my bed and sit on my bed. It was the first time I got up from my bed. I remember the feeling exactly. The pain was real. My spine felt like the UNO stacks that could fall apart anytime. I held the nurse hand strongly. Prof. Kwan took picture of my back and then asked me to stand up. The nurse helped me to walk and sit. All I did was just groaning. Mom was surprised how taller I got and kept talking. I was happy and surprised too, but the pain talked louder and I was too busy to hold the pain. Prof. Kwan told me that I could started drinking water little by little. I could drink a half glass of Milo. I should walk more to relax my nerve. I had to go to toilet since I did not have the catheter anymore. That's all.

After Prof. Kwan left, I continued my sleep again. I think I slept too much. Standing up for the first time really drained my energy. In the afternoon, I had some Milo and Mom helped me to go to toilet. It was my first time to pee without the catheter. They said it would hurt but it didn't. I walked around the room. It was still painful but then I could see clearly I got taller. I was very happy to see myself in the mirror. Wow wow wow! Where did the hump go? I was amazed and I adored myself for long at the mirror. I laid back again and I grabbed my phone. I sent messages to my friends since I hadn't given any news after surgery. My phone was 5.5 inch. It was my first time to hold my phone after surgery and it felt heavier than ever. I sent some messages telling them I survived. Not until 10 minutes, I gave up holding the phone. It was heavy and tiring.

At night, I could not sleep because it's hard to breathe. The nurse asked me to sit down for a while and inhale exhale. I just had a lot of gas in my stomach. In the middle of night, I vomit a lot. Really a lot. I could smell all the Milo I drank. Vomiting gave a lot of pain to my spine. It was really painful. I don't like vomiting. It felt like every segments of my spine were shaking. I was sorry for the nurse since they had to change all the covers. Mom helped me to the toilet to wash. Although they had changed the cover, I still could smell the vomit. I slept uncomfortably that night.

26th August 2016

Prof. Kwan, Prof. Chris and Ci Shierly came in the morning. They took off the PCA. I was then allowed to have meals. Prof. Kwan explained that I would be discharged the next day and listed things I should do. I had three kinds of painkiller and some medicine for itchiness and supplements. I was asked to stand up and Prof. Kwan took picture of my back again. Prof. Kwan told me that he would send  me the photos. He also showed me my X-Ray. I was 125 degree pre-op and 64 degree post-op. I had weight and height measurement again. I was 44 kg and 156 cm post-op. I lost 1 kg and gained 6 cm taller. I was told to come back to hospital the next week.

I spent the day by checking phones, walking some, and sleep more. In the afternoon, ci Susan visited and brought lunch for Mom and juice for me. Sister Tang came with her polaroid, taking picture of us to put on the wall of fame. I wrote a short grateful message there. Ci Susan and Mom discussed about the hotel we would go after discharged and I slowly fell asleep again.

27th August 2016

Mom went to the 10th floor to take care of the bill. The nurse helped me to remove the needles on my hand. I looked around my room and the ward. I don't like hospital and the smell but somehow I want to capture the memory in my mind as my life changed at that hospital. Ci Susan fetched us and took us to the hotel. See you, Mawar Ward.