Do you know? I take a look at my surroundings. Hmm. I
wonder, everyone grows up. My school friends, my college friends, they all
become prettier than before. Their hair is bright and styled well. They look
more mature than last year. I wonder. How about me? Why I still stand here like
nothing changed? Argh, maybe this is the effect of watching K-Drama too much.
The girls in film grow up beautifully, and find their love.
Rethink and rethink.
Since I worked at night shift and got one incident in high
school, I never want to appear attractive anymore. As I think that appear as a
attractive girl will draw more attention, and more danger. I will be okay if I
look not attractive at all. No one will even want to look at me and I will be
safe. Is that a stupid thought? I just can’t think a single way to protect
myself. I don’t know how to fight, my reflex is not good. So being a not
attractive girl may be the best way to protect myself.
There is a saying that we can’t ignore attractive people.
Yeah, I feel that. Being surrounded by attractive friends, I know how it feels
when people pay more attention and want to have a talk with the attractive one
than with me. Yeah, right. Who can ignore them? They are too eye-catching,
shine bright like a diamond, like a sun. Then I’m just the shadow which is not
important. People just talk to me when they need me. They start to talk with my
attractive friends by praising them, then little chat, and so on. My attractive
friends will smile brightly and say thank you. They look so friendly. I wonder
how I look when I smile to my friends. Maybe like a ghost with monolid eyes and
dark circles.
When my attractive friends once look not really pretty in
the photo, people say “hm, no, actually they are really pretty”. When someone
is not attractive like me look pretty in photo, people say “hm, camera 360 is
really good. In the reality they are not this pretty.” Oh, come on. Why they
don’t say “oh so actually she can be this pretty?” LOL. Sorry, I just wish.
You know, darla. It’s a bit funny. When I graduate from high
school, I just imagine a wonderful life of a university student, a part-time
worker. I will look more mature and gorgeous, as a woman. Then come the
reality~ I have to go by public transport everyday at least 2 times a day.
Sweat, sweat, and sweat. Even I try to let my hair down, just like another
girl, I will become a lion soon. My dark circles love too much. Then I’m just
like change from the sun to the shadow. Okay, a messy life.
Every girl in film, no matter whether they are rich,
reckless, poor, good, or bad, they all find their time. When is my turn? When I
should not try so hard to protect myself anymore? When I have to stop build
this wall? When the song of Hannah Montana will be true? You know, the barefoot
Cinderella song. One of my favourites. The prince said it’s okay barefoot
Cinderella. Roar roarrr. Just tell me that I’m the one who being sensitive.
Maybe I should stop watching those K-Drama. They are just drama, YES DRAMA, not
real life.
Oh, Fera. WAKE UP!
